One more thing - an open letter to my embie, on the night before our transfer

Preface: Apologies if this is too much/too sappy. I needed a catharsis tonight - to put these thoughts/this energy out into the universe, and this is the best way I could think to do it, on this night before my ET. I hope none of you mind the imposition.

Someone earlier this week on the Resolve board wrote a letter to their ovaries. I thought, then why not write one to my one remaining embryo?


Hello little one,

Tomorrow I will be coming to claim you. For the last 3 days, I've slept and ate little, for thinking of you and willing you to grow and thrive in a lab a few miles from our home.

I have gone to yoga, eaten organic, forsaken coffee, alcohol and (just about) anything fried. I have had ice cream a few times - I hope you don't mind. I have gone to a massage therapist for lymphatic massage to purge my body of impurities and to my psychotherpist to clear my mind of clutter and negativity. I have gone religiously to acupuncture, taken herbs, then not taken them as directed by my doctor. I have been given many shots, some I even gave to myself (although I did cry a little both times I had to do it), and have had countless blood draws and ultrasounds. I have purchased - and listened to - recorded meditations to calm myself, and practiced positive affirmations and guided imagery.

I have researched, obsessively, the ways in which I can make my body a home for you for the next 40 weeks, and I will continue to do everything I can to make it possible for you to survive. I am ready to fly to Chicago in two weeks to enlist the help of a special doctor who will make sure my body does not misbehave should you choose to stay awhile.

I have been learning to play the guitar, and taken up my long neglected piano playing to create more balance in my life, and to give the gift of music to you - one of the most precious gifts my mother gave to me as I was growing up.

Of all the possible combinations of eggs and sperm, you were the only one that made it from this cycle. I know you are strong and healthy and you can latch onto me and grow, grow, grow.

I can't promise that life will be easy for you, should you choose to stay. But here's what I do know: you have a family waiting for you. I don't know that a child was prayed for or longed for more than we all have longed for you. Not only is there a mother and a father who are waiting for you with open arms, but you have a big brother who constantly asks when will he get to meet you? He is so good, loving and kind - he will want to make you laugh and always try to keep you safe, just like your mom and dad.

There are aunts and uncles, and cousins and grandparents (2 sets) - none of whom are perfect, but I've seen how they are with your big brother. They will love you and love you and love you - and most likely spoil you rotten, but I think I can live with that.

We have dozens of friends here with children for you to play with. And sweet teenaged babysitters who live across the street just waiting to hold a baby, should mommy need a break. They are all good people who are calling you to this world, too.

I've never felt the power of prayer and positive energy so keenly than since I started this process and shared my journey to you with these good people in my life. All this goodwill and love - for you.

Now, if it comes to pass that you are unable to stay, know this, regardless of the outcome, before you ever even had a heartbeat, know that you were loved.

My heart, my mind, and my body is open to receive you tomorrow. I pray that you choose this life, this time, this family.

I am calling you, my child, to me. Come home.

love,
mommy